There are two things that i fully intended to do when Caroline was born.
1) Because i believed it best for my sanity as a new mom, i wanted to have Caroline on a feeding schedule.
2) Because i didn't want to create a habit i had to deal with later in life, and because i was nervous about the safety of it, i did not want Caroline to sleep in our bed with us.
Then Caroline turned 7 months old and started attending MDO. And then in the course of the next three months, she caught the flu, a sinus infection and not one but two ear infections. All while continuing to go through the longest teething period ever.
My baby who would predictably nurse well and eat her meals well on time suddenly would hardly eat. My baby who had been sleeping through the night since she was very small suddenly was waking up multiple times at night.
And my sleep deprivation and inability to figure out how to make it all better led to some things getting thrown out the window (or partially out the window).
First, i still try to stick to a schedule...but it's more like guidelines than actual rules. If she doesn't eat well at one time, i don't wait 3-4 hours for her to eat again. i'll try to see if she'll eat sooner. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. Some days we follow the schedule almost to the minute. Most days it's more fluid.
Second, on nights when she's really fussy and i'm exhausted and i don't think i have it in me to stand over her crib for another 20 minutes patting her little hiney to get her back to deep sleep, i grab her out of her crib and bring her into our room. This doesn't happen a lot, and we're definitely not a co-sleeping family. But when the little one is sick, it just seems easier for all of us to get rest when she's with us.
Of course, there's no great night's sleep when you have a baby in your bed. i'm constantly being hit in the face with her hands, or almost being pushed out of the bed as she tries to roll on top of me. In fact, it often looks like the roundhouse kick, snow angels or h is for hell diagram below. But i guess some sleep is better than none, right?
i like to feel in control. i like for things to be predictable and plannable. And that can make me be rigid.
i don't enjoy Caroline being sick. In fact, i hate it. But if there is a silver lining in it, her illness teaches me to relax and be more fluid. To let go and figure out life together with her and J.
Surely that's a valuable lesson to learn as a mom...right?
